there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
