My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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