Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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