i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
