I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
