she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
