So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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