I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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