Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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