your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
