You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ttyl tear gas
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
