He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
