Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
