this beer tastes like vomit already
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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