Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
