i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
