If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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