i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
