to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
