I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
