We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
