I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
