So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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