so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.