it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
