i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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