OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart