I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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