I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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