It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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