we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
