My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
