I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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