Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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