i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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