Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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