she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
