At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
