I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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