You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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