So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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