So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
