my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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