I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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