Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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