Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
