Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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