after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
