That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
