I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
