True but thats because hes a fetus.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
