you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
