Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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