For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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