butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
