I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my sisters under your porch take her home
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
