I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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