I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize