Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel

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  (336): There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel http://tfl.nu/7mru
  Replies (16) Good night (960) Bad night (3503)
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  (718): View more from New York

  you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

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  (718): you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass" http://tfl.nu/foy3
  Replies (22) Good night (1185) Bad night (4659)
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  (347): View more from New York

  today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud

  (917): View more from New York City

  it's sad that this is a milestone

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  (347): today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud (917): it's sad that this is a milestone http://tfl.nu/b89x
  Replies (11) Good night (1913) Bad night (2732)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.

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  (914): We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night. http://tfl.nu/ey4f
  Replies (6) Good night (2345) Bad night (1629)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

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  (403): Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person. http://tfl.nu/qpdl
  Replies (15) Good night (2287) Bad night (2900)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.

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  (203): She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call. http://tfl.nu/e0jl
  Replies (4) Good night (1009) Bad night (3195)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.

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  (828): I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water. http://tfl.nu/12pc
  Replies (4) Good night (1278) Bad night (696)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  and you said he wasn't worth calling.

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  (515): he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer. (1-515): and you said he wasn't worth calling. http://tfl.nu/rvi9
  Replies (17) Good night (1993) Bad night (716)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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  (501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi
  Replies (3) Good night (948) Bad night (1068)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine

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  (763): Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine http://tfl.nu/hxv4
  Replies (6) Good night (1433) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.

  (1-229): View more from Georgia

  I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.

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  (229): I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier. (1-229): I feel like I got ass raped in the brain. http://tfl.nu/l1ue
  Replies (15) Good night (992) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you

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  (902): I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished (1-902): I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you http://tfl.nu/66fn
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.

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  (813): The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room. http://tfl.nu/fw34
  Replies (19) Good night (454) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?

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  (+44): Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time? http://tfl.nu/chs0
  Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It was so small.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.

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  (603): It was so small. (1-603): Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way. http://tfl.nu/witd
  Replies (5) Good night (378) Bad night (522)

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