JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in