i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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