Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw

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(856): I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw http://tfl.nu/7ysm

Replies (9) Good night (1141) Bad night (2330)
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(409): View more from Texas

Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

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(409): Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test. http://tfl.nu/4vmp

Replies (25) Good night (1393) Bad night (4780)
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(352): View more from Florida

Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?

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(352): Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose? http://tfl.nu/yztp

Replies (23) Good night (4744) Bad night (773)
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(214): View more from Texas

hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

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(214): hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming? http://tfl.nu/vu51

Replies (12) Good night (6024) Bad night (1214)
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(313): View more from Michigan

There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding

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(313): There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding http://tfl.nu/91sj

Replies (16) Good night (1505) Bad night (3690)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.

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(301): I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands. http://tfl.nu/945a

Replies (8) Good night (1656) Bad night (821)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I want a burrito.

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Truly, you are the voice of a generation.

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(541): I want a burrito. (1-541): Truly, you are the voice of a generation. http://tfl.nu/xqng

Replies (9) Good night (2715) Bad night (654)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.

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(256): Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again. http://tfl.nu/e17o

Replies (4) Good night (2219) Bad night (782)
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(206): View more from Washington

Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.

(206): View more from Washington

Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.

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(206): Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack. (1-206): Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on. (206): Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together. http://tfl.nu/xcw6

Replies (11) Good night (2269) Bad night (575)
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(912): View more from Georgia

He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.

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(912): He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist. http://tfl.nu/1sb8

Replies (7) Good night (2295) Bad night (679)
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(316): View more from Kansas

ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

(316): View more from Kansas

And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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(316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj

Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (428)
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(678): View more from Georgia

For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.

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(678): For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute. http://tfl.nu/6j0u

Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (357)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.

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(519): I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED. http://tfl.nu/y580

Replies (1) Good night (630) Bad night (303)
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(347): View more from New York

You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you

(718): View more from New York

yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.

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(347): You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you (718): yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though. http://tfl.nu/d46w

Replies (0) Good night (730) Bad night (255)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle

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(732): He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle http://tfl.nu/wavz

Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (168)

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