he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.