My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
