I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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