So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
