I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
