he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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